FUNDAMENTAL QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS FOR A YOUTH

THIS IS EXCERPTED FROM A CATHOLIC WEBSITE: http://www.bigccatholics.com

CAN’T I DO WHATEVER I WANT AS LONG AS I DON’T HURT ANYBODY?

Some people believe that a moral action should be judged on its consequences. If no-one is hurt, then it is likely that the action was acceptable. How does this view affect beliefs about sex? Sexual intercourse cannot just be reduced to a biological act. The spiritual, emotional and physical consequences indicate that the meaning and purpose of sex go beyond the here and now. In order to discover why sex outside marriage is wrong, we need to highlight the brilliance of sex within marriage, where the beauty and gift of sex allows us to make visible with our bodies the invisible love of God. The language of the body during sex says, “I give myself to you completely.” If the intention is different, the body is lying. The term casual sex is misleading, because there is nothing misleading about the consequences. Studies have shown that the earlier young people become sexually active, the more likely it is that they will experience a whole variety of negative life outcomes.

WHY SAVE SEX UNTIL MARRIAGE?

Sexual intercourse is so marvelous, beautiful and sacred that it is worth saving this incredible gift for the purpose that it was intended: for babies and bonding within marriage. 
For those who will be married one day, it’s captivating to know your future spouse is somewhere out there. What would you want that person to be doing? Would you want them to be waiting to give you themselves and their love? To embrace purity and save sex until marriage enhances the ultimate “yes” to sex when married. If it was not possible to say “no,” how valuable would our “yes” be worth?

Purity can bring self-respect, shows your respect to others and also brings a clear conscience. It enhances your chances of experiencing romance without regret, avoiding sexually transmitted diseases and unintended pregnancies. The decision to wait means not being haunted by past sexual relationships when you are physically intimate with your spouse.
The decision to live a pure life strongly reduces the chances of experiencing the emotional pain of being used, rejected or discarded by a person you have given the most intimate part of yourself. Abstinence decreases the chances of divorce later in life. It helps you know that you are giving your spouse the total gift of self, something that has never been given to another. Real love desires what is best for the other. Abstinence proves commitment to your future spouse and helps you to live in integrity and joy.

WHAT IS THE POINT OF SAYING NO TO SEX WHEN EVERYONE IS DOING IT?

People are persuaded more by the actions of others than by any proof. When there is uncertainty, we are quick to follow others who are similar. This is a call to be an example to others and to set standards high. The reality is that not everyone is doing it. Even today, a huge number of young people worldwide acknowledge the advantages of saving sex until marriage. To say “yes” to pre-marital sex can also be a shortcut to STIs, breaking up and the increased likelihood of divorce. The beauty of sex is so wonderful that it is worth saving that beautiful gift for marriage.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH MASTURBATION?

Masturbation is an act that is only inward looking. It speaks of selfishness rather than mutual self-giving. This habit leads one to use rather than give. It can distort relationships and lead to addiction. Sexual activity with oneself encourages isolation and loneliness, exploiting the creation of the body for selfish purposes devoid of love. Healing is always possible for those who struggle in this area.

WHAT ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY? IT IS NOT AS IF ANYONE IS GETTING HURT

Pornography causes men and women to lust after each other as sexual objects. It can be enslaving, addictive and destructive. It can severely damage one’s ability to respect and truly love someone of the opposite sex. A meeting face to face with some of the victims of pornography could be a real way to realise the full extent of the damage that pornography does. It would then be had to explain how such ‘entertainment’ was not a tragedy.
Pornography leads to a warped understanding and appreciation of sex. The use of pornography rewires the brain expect women to be perfectly beautiful, permanently sexually accessible and with no human or emotional commitment. An attachment to pornography is one of the most effective ways to ruin a future marriage. It damages the beautiful gift of human sexuality into a fantasy of lies, personal manipulation and economic exploitation. Pornography dehumanizes women, emasculates men, destroys marriages and distorts the physical, spiritual and emotional dimensions of sex. Pornography involves the exploitation of women, generating abuse and misery worldwide.

WHY DOES THE CHURCH TEACH THAT CONTRACEPTION IS WRONG?

Contraception is not considered wrong by the Church because of its artificial nature. After all, there is nothing morally illicit about paracetamol or vitamins. The purpose of medicine is to help the body work in the correct way. Contraception does not help the body to function properly: It does exactly the opposite. Some methods of contraception, such as the oral contraceptive pill, are also an abortifacient. This means that they can cause early induced abortion at the beginning of a pregnancy. The God given purpose of sex is babies and bonding. Contraception divides these purposes in two.

DO CONDOMS PROTECT YOU FROM GETTING STIs?

At a conference of 800 sexologists (who study sex and sexuality) several years ago, one speaker asked the whole group the following question: “Would you trust a condom to protect you during intercourse with a known HIV infected person?” Not a single person raised their hand. (Theresa Crenshaw, from remarks made at the National Conference on HIV, Washington DC, November 15-8, 1991). Many people believe that the wide-scale provision of contraception will enable the reduced transmission of STIs. The risk displacement theory describes how a perceived increase in safety will not result in a change in the risks involved. The introduction of the seatbelt led many drivers to drive faster, due to misperceived safety. As a result, there was no reduction in the driving fatality rate. Likewise, condoms give the appearance of safety for their customers, when in reality they lead led to a greater increase in risky sexual practices. Many today are totally unaware of the limited protection of condom against certain STIs. Condoms provide little or no protection against the human papillomavirus. One doctor compared the use of condoms with playing Russian roulette (Gardner G, Promoting Sexual Health, BMJ, 1992, 305, 70-1). 
There are many difference factors to consider with STI transmission, such as gender, drug interactions and pregnancy. Furthermore, some STIs transmit easily whereas others are not so contagious. It is difficult to provide very precise statistics for the efficacy of condoms. In July 2001, the National Institute of Health in the USA stated that condoms did not provide universal protection against any of the 8 major STIs. A panel of researchers found just 2 areas of condom effectiveness: the heterosexual transmission of HIV and gonorrhoea. 
Even when used consistently and correctly, condom use does not provide full safety from STIs. In contrast, chastity does provide the full 100% protection. As sex is supposed to be a total gift of self, “safe sex” is a total contradiction in terms. Protect your future spouse by making sensible and wise choices.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CONTRACEPTION AND NATURAL FAMILY PLANNING?

Contraception causes a lie with the body, a departure from the gift of self, damaging the intimacy of husband and wife. No method of contraception is 100% effective to date. Different forms of contraception can invite selfish behaviour into the marital act and opens the door to greater infidelity. The real problem behind women’s oppression is the failure of men to treat them with dignity and respect. In this light, contraception is a sure way to keep women in chains. 
Contraception interrupts, sterilizes and works against conception whereas NFP respects the body as God designed it and works with this plan. NFP is a method that is highly reliable, medically safe and inexpensive. The discovery of understanding how the body works is a marvellous act of self-discovery. NFP treats fertility not as something to be suppressed or manipulated, but as a normal bodily function. NFP encourages a shared responsibility for fertility. This normally leads to a deeper level of care and respect in a relationship. NFP also respects the design of the human body, leading to deeper communication and intimacy. This helps to build self-respect and self-worth. In the words of Pope Paul VI, NFP, “Favours attention for one’s partner, helps both parties to drive out selfishness, the enemy of true love, and deepens their sense of responsibility.” (Encyclical Letter, Humanae Vitae n. 21). NFP couples are less likely to divorce, be more receptive to children and they renew their wedding vows each time they practice the marital act.

EDITED BY FRIAR EMMANUEL IDAKWO OFMCap.